Responsibility
I was eight and my parents had finally agreed
to get me what I always wished for.
They were going to get me a dog
after months of begging and pleading
and hearing them telling me its a lot of responsibility to have a dog
but I still bugged them.
Till one day they did something shocking and agreed.
I remember that glorious day
it was October
and the leaves were just about to fall
my mom said
“we are just looking today, not getting a dog”
I agreed not to fall in love with the first cute face that I looked upon
but
unfortunately I did.
He was the shaggiest of them all
His fur so long it hung in front of his eyes so he could not see
as the other dogs romped around him
He just sat there looking around waiting for someone
And
I knew that this was the dog for me
Calm, quiet, and didn’t look as if he cared what the other dogs thought of him
for just sitting there looking around aimlessly .
But I did not voice this opinion to my mother yet
because “ today we were just looking”
I took him out of the playpen where the shelter had
him awaiting for someone to purchase him
I sat down on the floor and he fell asleep in my lap
I looked up at my mom
“I want this one” I said
His name was Dutch and he was blind
So he was truly a big
Responsibility.
1. what should change about my poem?
2. Should I space it differently?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
you should make it flow a little better on place i saw was
ReplyDelete"Till one day they did something shocking and agreed." but u have it on one line i like it like this.
I think you need to try to make it flow a little better it's good now but I think you could make it better. I like your poem it's cute.
ReplyDeleteThis is really adorable. I love the last line and how it tied into the title and beginning.
ReplyDeleteCouple of suggestions:
I think this would be really interesting in present tense, that way the reader can understand your excitement and love as if they were in your shoes.
Also, it might add to the poem if you added really specific details. Like, you say the leaves are just about to fall. What do they look like? Are they brown yet or just yellow? Do they make noise in the wind? What was the color of the play pen? Was it tattered? How many other dogs were they? What were they doing specifically compared to your dog?
i wouldn't change anything about this poem but i think that yea you should space it out a little bit. just a hair. don't let it be one paragraph. i was reading it and i thought this is a long poem, but if its spaced out it gives the illusion of being shorter that it really is making more people want to read it (thats my opinion anyway ^_^)
ReplyDelete