are you proud of me ??
I impress people or make them proud of me
well usually I do.
By tell people about how
I am involved in my school or that I am a A student
by then they are usually impress
but there is the occasional person that doesn’t care that a am a A student
or that I am in five different clubs.
And I am fine with that
really I am
I don’t need them to be proud of me.
What hurt’s me to say is that
I don’t feel that pride that you claim you have for me
each time I tell you how I did on a test you said you know
or tell you I got in to the college of my dreams
you just say good.
People I don’t even like tell me that they are proud of me
before I hear it from you.
To tell you the truth
you are one of the few people I do try to impress and make proud
“I am proud of you” is all I want to hear from you say
just once
but sadly for me
I don’t ever think I am going to hear those words.
1) what should I change?
2) do I sound too whinny and if do tell me what you think I should do to fix that
3) if you find any spelling error or grammar error please let me know
i think it was good but i did not see the main idea of what you needed to say...
ReplyDeleteI really liked it! i didnt think you sounded whinny at all..i can relate to the way you are feeling in the poem! To change it you could add more emotional words when you are describing how you want to hear those words from this specific person! I dont know..just a thought! :)
ReplyDeleteI think The beginning could go a little smoother. Yes I like it! its sad. and it is what u needed to say. good job. IM PROUD OF YOU JENNIO!!!
ReplyDeletei liked it, its not whinny, just add more of what your feeling, an i think it will add really nice to your poem. but its good
ReplyDeleteI like it."by then they are usually impress" I think you ment impressed."By tell people about how" tell should be telling. I don't think you sound whinny. You get your emotions across which is what you want.
ReplyDeletePoetry can be whatever you want it to be. I think for a main idea or point to be grasped is if maybe you could describe an image for us to follow as you explain how you feel about it
ReplyDeletei get exactly what your sahing in this one and no your not being to whinny it is really good
ReplyDelete