what i needed to say V1

are you proud of me ??

I impress people or make them proud of me

well usually I do.

By tell people about how

I am involved in my school or that I am a A student

by then they are usually impress

but there is the occasional person that doesn’t care that a am a A student

or that I am in five different clubs.

And I am fine with that

really I am

I don’t need them to be proud of me.

What hurt’s me to say is that

I don’t feel that pride that you claim you have for me

each time I tell you how I did on a test you said you know

or tell you I got in to the college of my dreams

you just say good.

People I don’t even like tell me that they are proud of me

before I hear it from you.

To tell you the truth

you are one of the few people I do try to impress and make proud

“I am proud of you” is all I want to hear from you say

just once

but sadly for me

I don’t ever think I am going to hear those words.

1) what should I change?

2) do I sound too whinny and if do tell me what you think I should do to fix that

3) if you find any spelling error or grammar error please let me know

a time my world change V. 2

Responsibility

I am eight and yesterday my parents had finally agreed

to get me what I always wished for.

They are going to get me a dog

after months of begging and pleading

after hearing them telling me its a lot of responsibility to have a dog

but I still bugged them.

Till yesterday they did something shocking and unthinkable.

They agreed.

It is a glorious day

It is October 23

bright orange and yellow leaves

were just about to fall

my mom told me

“we are just looking today, not getting a dog”

I agreed not to fall in love with the first cute face that I looked upon

but

unfortunately I did.

He was the shaggiest of them all

The rest were well groomed

it looked as if they had skipped him.

His fur was so long it hung in front of his eyes so he could not see

as the other well groomed dogs romped around him

He just sat there looking around waiting for someone

And

I knew that this was the dog for me

Calm, quiet, and didn’t look as if he cared what the other dogs thought of him

for just sitting there looking around aimlessly .

But I did not voice this opinion to my mother yet

because today

we were just looking

I gently picked him up from the doggy playpen.

and sat down on the cold tile floor.

he fell asleep in my lap

he was the warm and he began to snore

I looked up at my mom

“I want this one” I said.

His name was Dutch he lived till he was fifteen.

He was blind and old from the day I got him

but I loved him none the less.

He was my

Responsibility.

V 1 When My World Changed

Responsibility
I was eight and my parents had finally agreed
to get me what I always wished for.
They were going to get me a dog
after months of begging and pleading
and hearing them telling me its a lot of responsibility to have a dog
but I still bugged them.
Till one day they did something shocking and agreed.
I remember that glorious day
it was October
and the leaves were just about to fall
my mom said
“we are just looking today, not getting a dog”
I agreed not to fall in love with the first cute face that I looked upon
but
unfortunately I did.
He was the shaggiest of them all
His fur so long it hung in front of his eyes so he could not see
as the other dogs romped around him
He just sat there looking around waiting for someone
And
I knew that this was the dog for me
Calm, quiet, and didn’t look as if he cared what the other dogs thought of him
for just sitting there looking around aimlessly .
But I did not voice this opinion to my mother yet
because “ today we were just looking”
I took him out of the playpen where the shelter had
him awaiting for someone to purchase him
I sat down on the floor and he fell asleep in my lap
I looked up at my mom
“I want this one” I said
His name was Dutch and he was blind
So he was truly a big
Responsibility.

1. what should change about my poem?

2. Should I space it differently?